always choose Allah even when you cannot see..

i hope , i will read this again in the near future when i begin to consider other than Allah, nauzubillahi min zalika. that, everythng else doesnt matter if you have Allah. Before you make any decision, you should think about Allah. will He be pleased? will He be angry at me?.. no matter what, consult ur heart and ask these questions... because, when you make all your decisions this way, this is taqwa!.. when you choose, you choose Allah first. 

Your life should circulate around Him, He is your center of life. Anything you do should be because of Him. 

Some lived for money, so money is their center of life. they make decision based on what will make them get more money, even when Allah says interest is unlawful, they make it lawful dor themself. 

Some lived for beauty, so they willing to spend money to get more beautiful, willing to spend more effort and time to appear beautiful to the extend, putting Allah behind them. Does not listen to what Allah commands them , and do plastic surgery changing the creation of Allah.

Choose Allah even when you cannot see  its worldly benefits that attracts you. Believe that, Allah will give you something much more valuable than what you imagine. Its either he grants it now, a gift in disguise, or He give them later which is much more better. Just be patient, and put your trust in Him. When you choose Him, either in this world or after, He will definitely without doubt keeps His promise.

In this world, Allah will not only give you what is halal, He will also tests you with what is haram. No matter haram or halal, if you put enough effort He will give it to you. For the haram things, you enjoy it here, but suffer later. For the halal one, you can enjoy them ,Allah had prepared them for you, enjoy them, and later you will get even more!..  

the same eyes

the same eyes that cried for you Allah, why did i use it this way? so do the heart, the joints, the head, the hands, the feet. how can the same eyes, that cried for you.. at the other time, used to disobey you? 

home..

some say home is not a place.. it can be anything that make u feel secure. for example, husband or wife or hometown or parents. I think its kind of true, and for me my home has always been mosque. of all places that i have been, mosque is the place i feel at ease the most, i feel secure. I have been to many mosque during my study time from schools to college. Its kind of weird, but i did miss each of them.. like how you miss a person. i wonder how it feels when i am at masjidil haram...

i never feel at home other than mosque, even my own house. a person? :D anyone who teaches me Quran! i love them the most...other than that, a person that remind me of Allah though he did not intentionally trying to do so. its just that his relationship with Allah is soo good yet he did not realized that. they are the most treasured person and i feel at ease around them.

a story : walking towards the love of Allah

it is kind of nice.. thinking ur life is just a storyline with the main character is you.. and everyone else just a side characters. So, doesn't matter what happen its just part of ur story.. when 1 plot ends, another plot develops.

us muslim, our story shud be the same though..,

story about walking towards His love..

thinking that way, no matter what u do or what happen to u or whose leaving and whose remain..u know what matters is that u stick to the main story. thats walking towards His love..

all those side stories, are just tools to get u stronger though it hurts, and sometimes make u happy to keep u motivated.Yet, none of the happiness matters if u cnt have His love. and none of ur hardship matters when He love u.. So dnt worry too much about the things that might happen or be sadden by the things that befall u. selagi ada iman, selagi itu ada bahagia :)).

only Allah

erm.. i have been thinking about her so much. weird thing is that i dnt remember her face! haha. but it really bothers me a lot. i wish theres only Allah all the time in my heart.

heart

this heart likes what it likes and hates what it hates. no one can dictates over it even its own master except Allah. Rasulullah may peace be upon him, always recite this doa, ya mukkalibal kulub, stabbit qulubana a'la deenek. oh, the controller of the heart, make me steadfast in my religion. this doa it described the heart as if it was a feather being flip over and over again by the wind. very hard to control over it that we ask Allah to make our heart always prefer our deen over all other things. have u have any control of whom u will love? no! u just know u already fell in love. i asked Allah, that i will love whom He love, and hate whom He hates. By Allah, it is a great trial to fall in love with someone and get carried away with the feelings that we no longer love someone for Allah sake, but love someone because of our desires and our lust. such love doesnt bring closer to Allah but bring closer to hell fire when we start prefering love of a human over love of Allah. our heart will start to harden slowly, we see with our eyes and we also see with our heart. Hardened heart is like heart that has lost all it sense no longer can see and feel, no longer can distinguish what is wrong and what is right, walhamdulillah Allah is full of mercy. When he created heart, he also made inside each of our heart a warner that always pull us toward the truth all the time. thus, Our heart will never be truly blind but it is our arrogance that prevented us from accepting the truth.  The disease of the heart is so subtle, if u start thinking about it you surely have it. if you never think about it, surely u never guard yourself against it. it always haunt you and all your life exhausted trying to keep your heart free from it until Allah takes your life while you being the winner at that moment or you being the loser at that moment. Its a fight that only settle if you no more walks among the living. This heart is so hard to control that i thought training a wild beast is easier because you know at some point the beast will be tamed but this heart? Only Allah knows when our heart will be truly pure. 

because of you Allah

 assalamu'alaikum, alhamdulillah 'ala kullihal. my emotion has not been stable lately, for the love of my heart just left me and be with someone else. there are days that i felt, like this reality is a dream, a nightmare. When i woke up from sleep in the morning, the morning i was so afraid because i just dream about her leaving me. a second later, i realize that is not a dream. then i began to notice, my life suddenly improves little by little and i feel much more alive compared to when i am with her. Then i start to notice the wrong thing i have been doing with her lately, and before things get any worse Allah separate me and her. at first i felt resentment towards Allah, at the same time i was so desperate to get her back. there is this feeling as if i will get alone in this world, as if she is the only pne for me. i made a lot of doa, a doa more sincere than the doa that i ever did. desperation really makes us close to Allah, as in total desperation we know no one can help us except Allah. i continously made doa while resenting Allah at the same time, but i feel at ease begging Him anything that i want. for a long time, the resentment turns to grateful. it really feels like Allah snatched me from her forcefully to save me and make me closer to Him. I am at the edge of doing something aweful, and he forced me away from doing that. Ya Allah, why you did this to me? what goodness have i done to deserve such mercy, to deserve such a special treatment. it really felt like Allah had favoured me. but then, now i know, and understand more why. because even when i am so far away from Him, there are part of me that really2 wanted to be closer to Him. That little effort of me wanting to get closer to Him, make Him getting Closer to me more than the effort that i put in the first place. thats what save me.. and now i am in love again. but surely this time is different. i have been with her for so long as school mates, yet i never met her. i only know she is kind. When i get to know her, i remembered her as being beautiful but i am too shy to look at her and never glance again, if i did meet her i never look at her properly after that. i know she is religious. we did keep in touch with each other in the IIUM, but very limited to important things and I don't think i have feelings for her at all. recently after the heart crushing episode i texted her more than before. and she sid reply nicely, for soo many weeks until i realize she no longer text me a very long reply. and today she asked me not to text her anymore, she said she wants to keep her heart pure, she was very sorry for replying my text before she said it was a mistake. probably the only guy she ever text was me. there is a bit of feeling involve, and she wants to keep her heart pure and do not want to involve in such matters anymore. Ya Allah i never love her more than i love her today. this love is not that of lust, but of that love because of Allah. somehow i perceived her as a gem and as a leverage for me to go to jannah. Ya Allah, can u imagine? she surely have some feelings for me, but she choose Allah and have faith in Him! I can't even remember her face, or any of her appearances. i am so happy despite the fact that she do not want to text me

 anymore.If she is not my jodoh, its okay but i really really do hope i meet the person who would act the same way she did. oh, btw, before all this happen i make a doa to give me a sign if she is my jodoh or not, or if i shud persue her or not. i think this is a reply from Allah as a yes. i feel secure and confident to make her my wife. 3 months more to go, and i will go meet her parents after i complete my 3rd year in medical school. hopefully, Allah will keep her for me. If not, alhamdulillah 'ala kullihal.